it wasn't lemon gatorade
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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