i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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