The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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