this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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