All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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