I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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