Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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