some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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