is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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