Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's always time for handjobs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
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My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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