sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh god it's open bar.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize