God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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