dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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