at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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