And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize