He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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