I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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