so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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