If i come over, it means nothing
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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