Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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