he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize