Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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