if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm like, not good at living.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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