i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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Ketchup is God's man juice
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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