I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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