I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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