remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it's like iHOP with fire
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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