the condom got lost in my hair
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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