Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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