then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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