so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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