He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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