I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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