What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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