I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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