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i wish there were pregnant emoticons
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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