Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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