I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize