im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i believe in u and ur pee
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