I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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