so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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