Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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