had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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