I smell stomach acid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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