How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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