The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize