girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize