New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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