I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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