Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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